February 2020 Minister's Column

This month I am looking at resilience in my sermons. I’ve been wrestling with different approaches to resilience and what I might have to say in sermons. One of the best parts of the Soul Matters collective is that I get to brainstorm with a bunch of other ministers the month before in an online video chat.

One of the great joys of ministry is that I have to to read a lot and get different perspectives for what I share during worship. Some times I think I don’t know how to read for pleasure. I read pretty much anything with an eye towards what themes does this piece of writing illustrate. For Christmas, I asked for and received the 2019 edition of the Best American Sports Writing edited by Charles P Pierce. It seems like an odd choice for a minister who only has a casual interest in sports.

I got about five articles into the Best American Sports Writing when I realized this - sports and athletes are a
nearly perfect example of resilience. Athletes compete knowing that chances are good, they will not win, and yet also competing for the championship every time. It’s about practicing enough to get over the fact that you struck out in that inning, but entering the next inning knowing that you could hit a grand slam. Athletes practice their sport to become resilient. They can tolerate the lows of failure and the highs of success. Their years of practice allow them to perform and do what is required of them, consistently.

I wonder does our congregation create a similar sense of resilience? A sense of resilience that gives you momentum to get through the highs and the lows to continue to bring more compassion to the world.

January 2020 Minister's Column

I want to tell you the story of how poetry subverted a technological hell.

One of the eternal quests of the ministry is finding new poetry to use in worship services and to serve as inspiration for other times as well. Years ago, I found an email list called Panhala. Panhala was a Yahoo Group that was founded by a man named Joe Riley. It's not clear who Joe was or why he started sending out a poem a week, or even when he started it (it looks like it was about 15 years ago). The poems were usually Wendell Berry, Mary Oliver, David Whyte, or Rumi. Beautiful poetry, chestnuts. Some times the poems were occasional to the day or holiday; other times, they weren't. Some times, there would be breaks of a few weeks when things got busy for Mr. Riley. And then posting would start up again.

In the middle of December, Yahoo shut down its Yahoo Groups function or changed something drastically. If they shut it down, it wasn't like a store shutting down, selling the final goods and the furnishings, and locking the doors. It was more like they turned off the lights and left all the doors unlocked. A previous function of this particular group was that only Joe could send poems out. A few days after the shutdown, someone sent an email out, presumably intended just for Joe. It instead went to the whole group — all 14,000 strangers who had come looking for poems over the last decade. Pandemonium ensued. The unsubscribe function seemed to stop working. There was no tech support available. It seemed like there was no way to stop this barrage of emails of being saying "unsubscribe!" or "keep me on your list." There was no way to contact Joe who might be able to stop it, his email wasn't active, and no one it seemed knew him. It was an ouroboros of reply-all. An infinite loop of technology backfiring, filling up email inboxes, and then spam folders, with no end in sight. People didn't understand how the technology worked, and so they kept responding all, ignoring others' pleas to stop.

Someone posited that if people started sharing poetry on the list, in a sense returning it to its original state, it might be able to stem the tide of junk emails. Sending out poetry might be able to reset this little peaceful patch of the internet to its previous state. Use the group's original purpose to fix something. Judging by the state of my spam filter, it seems as though it somewhat succeeded.

In this new year, I wonder what are the places in your life, where it would be tempting to give up on, that could be made just a little bit more beautiful by some creative action?

Peace,

rev. aaron

December 2019 Minister's Column

Dear UUCL,

I'm still sitting with the warm feeling of our congregation that I felt on November 24th. From a program on gratitude organized by Lynne, the music of both the band and the choir, people sharing the story of significant bread in their families, and a full sanctuary, to the delicious food of the Harvest Feast, I drove away from UUCL that afternoon feeling thankful for you as a congregation. Communal gatherings are one of the essential things that make our congregation special. 

I love this time of the year. Familiar faces return to congregations. We start singing songs you could sing without glancing down at the hymnals — our homes filled with family and friends. We travel to see loved ones. Lights twinkle on trees downtown.

It's also a time when UUs get to wrestle with their theological diversity the most. Let me explain. During December, congregations observe Hanukkah, Advent, Christmas, and the Winter Solstice, and many others. We wrestle with theological diversity because it's the time of the year that we draw from our sources the most. We sing with gusto lyrics that we don't quite agree with. We listen to stories of scripture from old. We appreciate the miracles of Hanukkah. The light returning with the Solstice is anticipated. No doubt, there are practices that you hold dear that I haven't listed here.

How do we approach this time of the year in a congregation with theological diversity? Rather than wrestle with it, I say we embrace it. I saw we engage with it. And this isn't always easy. Whenever I describe our religion to an acquaintance or a stranger, and I discuss the various sources we draw from; they inevitably ask, "isn't that tough?" My response is always, "you bet. But it is worth it."

I learned about embracing and engaging theological diversity by going to a liberal Christian seminary that also shared a hillside with a rabbinical school. We came to our discussions with respect and curiosity. The similarities between our traditions were enlightening. The differences were more significant, though. They helped define us.

I've learned in various interfaith settings I've been in over the years that religious experiences can help us feel a sense of awe. The awe that someone feels in receiving communion. The sense of peace in meditation. The centering some feel while davening in the synagogue. The awe we feel while singing.

The theme for December is Awe. What I know is this: What might evoke a sense of awe and wonder in one person might not evoke it in someone else. And that is beautiful. 

See you at UUCL!

Rev. Aaron

November 2019 Minister's Column

This month's Soul Matters theme is "Attention." A colleague wisely (and wryly) remarked that this is an excellent theme because whatever we end up preaching on is a thing or a subject that we are paying attention to. The sermons just plan themselves! If only.

We often hear that we desire principled leadership from government, business, or congregational leadership. Principled leadership clarifies what are your values when it comes to leading, and articulating them. In this month's newsletter column, I want to take a moment to turn my attention to my leadership values. This is a sketch of where I am on October 28, 2019, but it could very well change.

I looked at those leaders I admire; they include leaders from seminary, our denomination, scout leaders, and educational leaders. Of course, we can also make lists of values of leaders we don't look up- values we do not wish emulate, we could call them anti-values.

I brainstormed this list a while ago. I think the best leaders value: resiliency, humility, service, clarity, empathy, community, accountability, and legacy. What do I mean by this? Why are these my leadership values?

Resilience is first for several reasons. If a leader is not well-rested, centered, or connected to other leaders, they cannot be effective. They have to have resiliency reserves. Self-care is of premium importance. I've seen leaders who sacrifice themselves – they end up committing misconduct, burning out, or developing addictions. They have to be comfortable asking for help from helping professionals. That adage of air travel is correct – take care of yourself first before assisting others.

Humility is next. An elder ministerial colleague once suggested that ministers should have tacked up next to their mirror a note that says, "you could be wrong." Wise leaders realize that they might not have all the answers; someone else might know more. It is about understanding and embracing where are our strengths and weaknesses are. They are collaborative, and they lift what others may know. Effective leaders are life long learners.

Service follows after humility. Though good leaders delegate and empower others to do the work, they should also be willing to step in and help when necessary. There's a whole line of leadership theory that I'm attracted to called "Servant Leadership." The core values of this school of thought involve putting the group's achievement above the leaders achieve. First among equals might be the motto of servant leaders.

Clarity is next. Transparent leaders clarify why they acted in a certain way. They might even say that they are aggressively transparent, as much as they are able. They communicate what their values are. They strive to communicate what their goals are. They communicate expectations. They are strong storytellers. They are imaginative and ambitious when it comes to setting goals for organizations they lead.

Empathy follows clarity. Empathy teaches us that everyone is fighting a battle that perhaps no one else knows about. It's not sympathy or feeling sorry for another person, though. It's about being able to see things from a different perspective. All members of a group foster a sense of empathy.

A good leader should be concerned with the health and be aware of the emotional state of the people in their team, organization, or community that they serve. Leaders foster a sense of fun and togetherness in those communities. The group that has fun together has a strong foundation when conflicts enter the equation or when difficult conversations need to happen. Leaders also should be aware of the values of their community and appreciate the context and history of those communities.

Leaders are also accountable and have communities of accountability. The lone ranger leader can be incredibly dangerous. Leaders are clear about what is expected of them. The flip side of this is that communities should know what to expect of their leaders. Leaders should seek to create feedback loops that allow them to continually grow. They lift up and center marginalized voices. They recognize the need to step back at times.

Leaders are concerned with legacy. They recognize that the communities they lead existed before their arrival and will continue to exist after they leave. They make decisions that benefit the current community, that appreciate the past, and that meet future needs. They empower the next generation of leaders.

So what about you? What values guide your decision making? What do you value in leadership?

October 2019 Minister's Column

Six years ago, around this time, I was regrouping from a professional setback. I didn’t know it then, but it was an amazing gift.

In our tradition, ministerial candidates meet with a group called the Ministerial Fellowship Committee to determine if they can enter into Preliminary Ministerial Fellowship. You end up submitting hundreds of pages of documentation: statements of competency, evaluations, psychological evaluation, and letters of recommendation. Candidates then preach a 10-minute sermon before a committee of 7 or 8 committed Unitarian Universalists some ministers and then answer questions for 45 minutes. The questions can be wide-ranging - philosophy of religious education, UU History and Theology, pastoral care, to thoughts about how your family of origin affected you, and social justice From colleagues who have done both, they say it’s like defending a dissertation. However, instead of the topic being your research from the last five to six years, the topic is if your ministerial formation is to certain a standard. 

The result of that meeting was a decision that I was not yet ready to enter into fellowship, that I had to do some additional work and to come back in a year. I did so, and was welcomed into fellowship in December of 2014, and have now been in full fellowship since November 2018. Many colleagues of mine have also experienced this setback as well. And each one who chooses to engage with the feedback given ends up being stronger and more grounded in their ministry. One of those additional pieces of work was to consider doing a ministerial internship outside of New England, which I didn’t end up doing. I still chuckle about that, since so far my parish ministry career has only taken place outside of New England. But it’s easy to type those sentences and to chuckle about that now. I remember deep pain at the time. 

There was a weird feeling at the time. Some friends told me, “the committee wasn’t seeing the whole picture. You are a minister.” People were frustrated with the committee. Now that I have some distance on the whole event, I understand and appreciate where the committee’s feedback was coming. I think they were right, in most cases. There was some amount of privilege that I benefitted from that allowed me to explore the committee’s recommendations to the extent that I did. I grew as a result of listening to their feedback and am grateful for it, even if it was painful now.

I, myself, was a little frustrated that no colleagues or friends had pointed these things out to me. I wonder, how would I have received feedback and suggestions if the recommendations had come from friends? Would I have been able to hear it? I’m guessing I did hear some of it, but I think we also build up an immunity to people giving feedback. We appreciate the positive feedback, and we use it to boost our self-esteem. When we receive critical feedback, we often discount it saying it was wrong and that the feedback giver doesn’t get it, or we go the opposite route - we take it to heart. We ignore the useful feedback we’ve received. We focus on the negative. We go into a shame spiral.

Someone once said that “Feedback is a Gift.” And I agree. But we must expand that metaphor - some gift-givers are excellent at it - they give you something you need, and you had no idea you needed it, or you wanted it, and no one else knew. Other gift givers miss the mark - a sweater you won’t wear, or a necklace that’s too loud. We also receive gifts in different ways, as well. Anonymously given gifts can be unsettling - you don’t know who to thank, you are puzzled by it, etc.

We’re engaging in a bit of feedback collecting this season at UUCL. The transition team has put together a survey that will help us create an authentic picture of UUCL for your Developmental Minister. It will help us examine our congregation in depth. Please be sure to take it here: (link removed). It is based off the standard survey that all Unitarian Universalist congregations searching for a minister use. It is a bit long, so be aware. We only do these surveys about once a decade, so do take comfort in that.

Also, please be sure to mark your calendars for Saturday, October 26th, 10-3 pm. Our Congregational Life Consultant Rev. Phil Lund will be visiting our congregation to continue our conversation on Developmental Ministry and to explore what possible goals for our congregation will be. Your board voted in Spring 2019 to enter into a Developmental Ministry after my contract with you ends on July 2020. Developmental Ministry is a newish program in our denomination that many congregations enter into, who could benefit from focused work in particular areas. 

September 2019's Minister's Column

I've been on the social networking site Facebook since 2005. It had just recently switched over from being called “The Facebook.” You needed to have an email address that ended in .edu, which meant it was solely the realm of college students, and not all colleges belonged. Slowly, older folks joined as people with alumni addresses realized that they could join. Little changes were introduced along the way. The site that folks are on today is different than it was in the very beginning. As those changes were introduced, inevitably people complained and said they were going to leave. Most never did of course. Facebook sure has its problems, but it's also become a sort of digital scrapbook/journal sorted by date for folks who have been on the website for a number of years. 

Thinking about Facebook got me thinking about a few other moments of change that I've lived through.

Several years ago, I was part of a committee of youth Boy Scouts who were voting to change the embroidered patch (and therefore the logo) that represented our group on our uniforms. I and two or three other scouts had made impassioned pleas about how important and recognizable our current patch, that if we changed it, we wouldn't get the name recognition that we had built up over so many years. We used every technique in the book and our familiarity with Roberts Rules of Order to prolong debate. The conversation in my mind last an hour, but I think it was actually about 30 minutes. At the end, I was exhausted. I was also now in the minority of committee members who were voting against the change. As I drove home from that meeting, I wondered to myself “why did I expend so much energy on something that ultimately did not matter in the grand scheme of things? Was that the best use of my talents and my passion?” As I look back now, I remember my passion for keeping things the way they were, was because a friend of mine hadn't gotten elected to be leader of this committee, and a person that we didn't get along with had won that election. I disagreed with a change because I disagreed with the people who were in leadership. I failed to see the real impact of the change that we were voting on. When we got the new patches in and were going to sell them, I was the first in line to purchase them. Since that moment, I've tried to place myself in the group of people who are strongly in favor of a change and to serve as a champion for change.

So that's one thing Facebook reminded me about. The other thing was something in the memories. Looking back across the years, this day (July 30th) has always been one of transition for me. In 2013, I was moving from the south shore of MA to a town in the suburbs of MA. In 2015, I was in the middle of my move from Massachusetts where I had lived my whole life to Texas. In 2018, I was packing up my apartment in Texas to move to a short term rental, before moving to KS to begin my service with your congregation. In 2020, I will be moving, to serve in another context. There is a certain amount of anxiety on my part. There are so many unknowns.

Our congregation is also in a time of transition. We have our new director of religious education Amanda Nielsen starting on August 1st. Barbara Thompson who has been so ably volunteering in this position is stepping back. I am thrilled to have someone in this position making sure our youth and children are getting the best programming we can offer them. We are saying good bye to our long time office administrator, Jennifer Donnelly, as well. We are in the midst of extending an offer to our chosen candidate for office administrator. There is a new board of directors just getting their feet underneath them. And in 365 days, you will be welcoming a new developmental minister. 

In any time of change, anxiety can crop up. That is normal and natural. While of some these transitions in our congregational life may be only happening for the first or second time here, many other congregations have weathered these same changes before. Changes in leadership mean we have new people bringing new perspectives. There's temptation of course to resist change or the flip side of that -change everything all at once. I think adopting an attitude of appreciation of the past, patience for the present, and curiosity for what may come seems best. (Also, wear your name tags on Sunday mornings. It's friendly and helpful for new staff!

)

And meanwhile, in the midst of all this change, the work of our congregation continues on. We kick off a brand new congregational year in September (be sure to bring water for our ingathering water ceremony on September 8th) I am glad to be with you on this journey.

August 2019 Minister's Column

We have begun our final year together. I started saying that this summer, and it feels strange to mention the date of my departure. There's a certain bittersweet quality of knowing that this time next year, I'll be starting at some other congregation yet unknown to me. And you will be meeting and getting to know a new Developmental Minister, yet unknown to you working on goals yet unknown to you. This liminal time can be disorienting but is also a time that is ripe for growth. It can also be stressful because you have no idea how you will get to the destination, other than that you will get there.

The summer in between undergraduate and seminary, I built hiking trails in New Mexico. I've been thinking about this a lot as I got to go back to the camp where I built trail earlier this summer. The process of building hiking trails is labor-intensive. During the staff training, we were each assigned a small portion of the trail to work on. This stretch of trail was completely unbuilt trail, other than the wooden stakes placed every 5 yards or so. You couldn't see where the path would lead. The staff training trail was in a place with prime trail building condition. There was shade. It was flat. The only ground cover was grass and some pine needles. It was incredibly easy to swing a pickaxe and shave away a part of the hillside. It was easy to create the tread. And even then, it took about a day of solid work to build five yards of trail.

The project the group was assigned for the summer was even more challenging. The trail was located in the burn scar from a forest fire seven years before; the surveyed path was in rocky terrain. The forest fire had literally changed the composition of the soil, making it more susceptible to water erosion. There were several areas where we had to build rock structures to complete the trail. We knew where the path led, eventually, but we were starting it from scratch. It was tough work that took several summers to complete. I haven't seen the finished trail, but I know it's completed.

The work of building trail can feel like the work of congregational life. You need a clear direction to go in. There are tools to get there. You rely on the expertise of trail builders gone before. You trust the leaders. Some times the work is relaxed and joyful. Other times you need to build more structures. Some times the task is easy, and you can complete a lot by yourself. Other times it takes a team to build one small feature of the trail. It is something that must be done as a team.

A colleague of mine who built hiking trail reminded me that the goal of the trail builder is for hikers to not even think about the path they are hiking on. In a sense, hikers forget about the trail builders, if the trail builders did their job right. If they are thinking about that hiking trail, it's because something happened in the building of it. A pathway designed that was too steep. A process too difficult. A section that always floods.

We still have a year left of trail building together. We don't know the end destination or what the path will be like, but soon, we will reach the end. It will require hard work. It will require that we each commit to an overall mission or vision.

June 2019 Column

What was the last beautiful thing you encountered? Maybe it as a sound? Perhaps the swell of an orchestra, the laughter of a child, or the wind rustling through the prairie grass? Maybe it was something you saw? Artwork at an art museum, a craft a friend or loved one made with you in mind, or that sunset on Friday the 24th? A touch of a loved one or a friend? The way the air is perfumed this time of the year? A cup of tea, asparagus grown in your backyard? 

The Soul Matters theme for June 2019 is Beauty. I’ll be addressing it from different perspectives in worship where I’ll share my thoughts about the future of religion (June 2), and on aging (June 9). We’ll then reprise the question Box service on (June 16), where I will attempt to answer any questions theological, spiritual, or congregational. Personal “get-to-know-you” questions are fine, but the questions that demand a deeper response will get turned into sermons during the 2019-2020 worship year. The Social Justice Team leads their Justice Sunday service on the 23rd. And one of your own returns on the 30th when the Rev. Jordinn Nelson Long guest preaches. It’s bound to be a great June at 11am.

As I think about beauty, three quotes come to mind. Each offers a slightly different perspective on beauty. The first is from a Canadian Indie Rock band known as The Weakerthans. A song from their 2003 album Reconstruction Site includes the line: “Beauty's just another word I'm never certain how to spell.” In this way, I think that the songwriter or the narrator in the song has given up on a beauty. They take it for granted. It’s just another word. I think about the times in my life where I took beauty for granted - the year my daily commuted included an ocean drive, pieces of art I glanced at too quickly. 

The second quote is attributed to Rumi. Though I think it’s more accurately Coleman Barks. “Let the beauty we love, be what we do. There are hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” I appreciate this perspective because beauty becomes active. It’s a way to show devotion to something greater than ourselves. It also asks us to consider the question are my actions beautiful? Do they add something to this rich tapestry of the world?

The final quote comes Lady Bird Johnson’s diary. On January 27, 1965 she wrote “Getting on the subject of beautification is like picking up a tangled skein of wool. All the threads are interwoven -- recreation and pollution and mental health, and the crime rate, and rapid transit, and highway beautification, and the war on poverty, and parks -- national, state and local. It is hard to hitch the conversation into one straight line, because everything leads to something else.” Having been a Texan for three years, there is a soft spot in my heart for Lady Bird Johnson. While her plans for beautification partially involved planting wildflowers along highways, it also changed rules around advertising. You can also read in her words echos of our seventh principle which references the independent web of all existence of which we are apart.  

As I wrap up - I wonder again - when was the last time you noticed something beautiful? Are your actions generally ones that add a little bit of beauty to our world? Would you commit to that, if you knew that it could rebuild the brokenness that exists in this beautiful world?